Facing Challenging Situations Authentically

By being authentic in the face of a challenging situation, one can move through the experience in a more healthy fashion and thereby uncover more of one’s true self. There are many situations we face that can feel overwhelming. These can range from losing a job, to relationship problems, to health problems, to not knowing what to do with one’s life. Any one of these can bring up strong emotions and feel like a tremendous burden. In my own personal experience, there was a time when my entire future felt like it had been shattered. At that time I felt completely lost and fearful of the unknown.
We may choose to work with these life changing events in any number of ways, or we may choose to not work with the situation at all. We may talk things over with friends and/or family. We may choose to go to a workshop or we may decide to see a counselor. There are numerous possibilities of how we may work with a challenge. What I discovered is that many of the methods I used to work through tough situations were very analytical; very head oriented. In fact, I’ve invested hours and hours in analyzing and re-analyzing my past, my present and any tough situation I may have been experiencing. At times it felt like my mind was a hamster on a hamster wheel - running full out, but getting terribly tired. While this orientation provided some help, I didn’t seem to be able to move beyond the challenges I faced, or when I thought I had moved on, the challenge would return.
Years later a teacher and friend shared a method of working with challenges, a tool if you will, that has been profoundly useful. Its a simple tool. In fact, its so simple I doubted its ability to work. I wanted something more complicated… something like the analyzing I had done in the past. But that would have led me down the same path with the same results I had had in the past. Here is the new process I began using: When you are in the midst of a painful experience, pause, center yourself, and focus your attention on the emotions that are coming up and NOT on the story that is coming up. The story is what our "thinking" mind gives us. Here are several examples in the form of questions of how the story might be generated by an individual: why am I in this situation, what can I do about it, how is it going to impact me, what will other people think, and on and on. Instead of going with the story, sit with the emotions. One of the best ways to explain this is with a hypothetical example.
Lets say I’m involved in a highly emotional discussion with my wife. Afterward I’m distraught and my imagination starts to make up all kinds of stories: she doesn’t love me, we’re going to get a divorce, I’ll be alone, I’ll have to move, will I be alone for the rest of my life.. and so on. In essence, my mind takes over and goes nuts. This type of "processing" is agonizing. Instead, here is how the other method can work. I find a safe quite spot where I can be alone without interruption. I sit and focus on the emotion that is coming up. Sometimes it might be one emotion, such as fear, often times a number of emotions will come up. If its fear, I just sit with the fear. If its anger, I just sit with the anger. This can feel overwhelming. When I first started using this process, often my first reaction was to move away from the pain again. But when I just sat with the emotions, I benefited greatly. Feel the emotions. Acknowledge them. Accept them. If I commit to this, eventually I feel the emotion dissolve. Sometimes its replaced with another emotion. Maybe anger. The process again: sit with the anger, feel it, acknowledge it, accept it, and it too dissolves. Then FEAR come up. Once again, just sit and be with the fear. Don’t get caught up in the story. This process may last only a few moments or it may last for a much longer period of time. One time in my life I sat with emotions coming at me in giant waves. Wave after wave hit me, until finally, I was left feeling clean, clear and at peace. It felt tremendously healthy. Initially, it was easier for me to use this method after a particular situation was over and I had been able to find a quiet spot to sit with the emotions. Now I can sometimes be in the middle of a situation and do some of the work. As I practice, the process gets easier and easier. Without a doubt, one way I have been able to improve my ability to use this tool is by maintaining a regular meditation practice.
The benefits have been a sense of stability, flexibility and openness in my life after consistently using this process. While I’ve always been a big believer in therapy, I have progressed much further on my journey utilizing this simple tool as opposed to analyzing and re-analyzing the story. I have spent countless hours trying to figure out why something is "wrong" and what I needed to do to fix it. While there is definitely a place for this problem solving approach, allowing myself to fully sit and experience the emotions has propelled me forward more effectively than analysis ever has.
Good Luck!